Believe with all of your heart that you will do what you were made to do.
-Orison Swett Marden
Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose–
a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.
It’s amazing the hypocrisy that goes on among people these days especially in this dispensary. I don’t think I am use to it at all growing up where I am growing up where I don’t have to worry about people being two-faced and what not. People back home are pretty straightforward and to the point. It’s like I haven’t got used to it, where I grew up people tell you like it is. When it comes to certain people, you’ve got to cut em off for good, you only have one life. Unfortunately we humans are not blessed with that long of a life. Lol it’s funny how some people always think that you are as stupid as they are. Sometimes you are what you think of other people has, can’t get it twisted. This simple thought is a life-saver or life-changer. I’ve got to remember that more than I already do. I can’t be building people up only to have them try to put me down or for lack of better wording are not at ALL capable of doing the same for me. There is already one person in my life that does that and that is my own mother I don’t need another. Stay far from people who are not authentic. Drop people out of your life like a dead mosquito because they are only taking up room and taking up space, from the real people that could mean so much to your life. “Funny man get drop like a bad habit, suh nuh badda pose tough if ya don’t have it, Rastafari stands alone.” I can’t be wasting time on things that do not matter to me and will never matter to me. Trust me when I say I have done this way too much in the past, but I think I am wiser now and if something isn’t worth my time I must recognize that it isn’t worth my time and break it off immediately. It’s cool, everywhere I go to live things cannot be the same and I have to adapt to different surroundings and do the best that I can do and be the best that I can be. Then again I don’t want to be one of those people like my mother, who have mastered the act of DROPPING people out of their life that they don’t know HOW to KEEP people in their life. I want to be able to keep people in my life more than dropping them out of my life. In order to do this I have to choose wisely and keep an open mind. Birds of a feather flock together right, that’s one concept to live by. If you drop a person out of your life it doesn’t necessarily mean that that person wasn’t “good enough” for you, it just means that that person is not on that level at which you are at or they may have different interests, a different goal or purpose than yours.
I’m going to take these words and carry them with me from henceforth. I have acknowledged time and time again that I am not perfect and I am not trying to be. There are times when I am going to have those moment that are not the best of me that I haven’t put my best foot forward. I do my best to acknowledge these moments and when I do or say something wrong or out of character I take full responsibility, because at the end of the day a person is who they choose to be. I will not view anyone as my worst enemy, I am my own worst enemy because I have the choice of how I react to any given circumstance. However I react to a circumstance life throws at me I have to take full responsibility for it, whatever it’s effects. Most people are not going to admit that they are their own worst enemy, and many people spend a lifetime not knowing this. I don’t understand how doing the most sickest and twisted things to get someone’s attention isn’t going to get yourself dropped out of the person’s life eventually. My mother herself does this all the time but I am so use to it its not even mentioned. My mother abandoned her own children so she can get attention from my dad etc. Can a person be that desperate for attention that they are willing to jeopardize their own welfare in the process? Using someone is using someone, you can sugar-coat it all the time. Like they know they can’t offer much for that person yet they still stick around just to USE the person they can’t offer anything to. You can use someone to strengthen you, make you aware of things, make you feel better etc and know very well you can’t do the same for them even if you tried. All I want to know is: Why stick around? That’s what I wonder about my mother all the time, why stick around? Why not just be true? Stop the sick, twisted, low-down dirty games. It doesn’t help you or the person you are trying to use. Using people to impress another person is not cool it’s pathetic. What I learn from life is that if you don’t put a halt to something it is just going to continue on, you have to BREAK IT OFF. It’s good to have perseverance but sometimes this can be used against you in relationships. Because you could be persistent with a relationship and it just isn’t working out. So persistence in terms of career goals, helping deserving people I think is fine. No need to live in the present for even as things are they are becoming. I get along fine with most people and most people see me as a shy, quiet reserved nice individual at least mostly in high school, and when I was a freshman in college. But now I wanna be seen as friendly and outgoing. Sometimes you can get tired of doing the same things over and over again. Somethings just aren’t meant to be.
Life is a choice, life is a road, I’m going to have to deal with a lot of things down the road but at the end of the day it will all have built me and made me into a better person if I look towards the light. I always have to think positive no matter what my circumstances is. Only positivity is going to allow one to see the light. I always see a light at the end of the tunnel as long as I live in hope there will always be hope as long as I live in faith there will always be faith. As long as I pray and believe good things will happen for me and my family, those I care deeply about. I’m so grateful for my dad, instilled self-worth in me and patience when it comes to matters of life. I don’t know where I’d be without him, I’d probably be dead who knows and I don’t need to know. I have to listen to that voice within that says something isn’t right and anytime I ignore that voice things always turn out to be “unfortunate” so to speak. When something doesn’t feel right then chances are it isn’t right. What I notice is that my intuition is never wrong so I have to learn to trust myself constantly. Like a rock anytime somebody says something that is intended to be an insult to me it bounces off my chest like nothing. Why? Because my mother is the only person that have said some of the cruelest things a mother could ever say to her children. She once said that she should have sliced my neck when when I was born and many other things. But it’s cool as much as I dislike this, some of those cruel things she has said and most importantly done to me and my brothers has only made us stronger. Anything that makes one stronger can truly be seen as a blessing if you allow yourself to see it that way. I have to appreciate what I have in my life and appreciate my life for what it is now you only have one life to live. Live it to the fullest and have no regrets, none whatsoever. I’m going to try not to have any regrets from henceforth because I guess because I am young regrets seem to be fairly active in my mind. Whatever my choices are from henceforth, I have to take responsibility for them, if they turn out to be good for me or bad for me I have to take responsibility for them either way. I also have to remember that things happen for a reason, I believe in this immensely. I put my career at the forefront because that is my life, everything in my personal life will stem from that and this is one MAIN way to play a part in the welfare of the human race. That’s the whole point of having a career. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone but myself and my dad hee hee loved ones. I believe in myself I have what it takes to be whatever I want to be its never too late to do anything in life it’s never too late to be anything one wants to be in this life. Forward is the only way there is no turning back, no turning back whatsoever pushing forward is my only hope.